How to Stop Fixing Kids' Feelings (do this instead)
It’s natural to want to make our kids feel better when they’re sad, angry, or frustrated. But often, our attempts to comfort (e.g. “Don’t cry,” “You’re fine,” or “It’s okay!”) send the message that their feelings aren’t valid.
In Montessori, we believe every emotion has a purpose. When children feel safe to express their feelings without fear or shame, they develop emotional intelligence, resilience, and self-awareness.
💛 Why We Shouldn’t Fix Feelings
Trying to erase discomfort doesn’t teach kids how to handle it. It teaches avoidance.
By contrast, validating emotions shows children that all feelings are welcome, even the messy ones!
It’s as simple as saying:
“You look disappointed. That didn’t go the way you wanted.”
“It’s okay to be frustrated. That was tricky.”
This approach helps them label what they’re feeling, process it, and move through it calmly.
🌿 Montessori at Heart
In Montessori environments, teachers don’t rush to stop tears or frustration. They offer quiet presence, gentle acknowledgment, and the belief that children are capable of handling their emotions with support, not rescue.
We can do the same at home.
🧘♀️ Try This:
-
Pause before responding.
Take a breath before offering words. -
Name the feeling.
Label what you see: “You seem angry that your toy broke.” -
Offer empathy, not solutions.
Say, “I know that’s hard. I’m here.” -
Revisit later.
When calm, you can talk about problem-solving ... but only after they’ve felt seen.
🛠️ Tools That Help
Pair emotional validation with tools that make regulation easier:
💬 Free Big Feelings Affirmation Cards for Kids – Positive reminders to help kids name, normalise, and manage big emotions
🧸 A cozy calm-down corner with soft textures, books, and a sensory toy
🌿 Quiet music or guided breathing moments together
📥 Enter your email below to get your FREE Big Feelings Cards for Kids